A couple of weeks ago I went and saw a movie/concert thing at the Ganganam CGV movie theater. The movie/concert was called, "Super Junior 3D". And it was in 3D. (I loath 3D movies. They should give consumers the option of 3D or regular. I would rather not pay twice the amount for a show only to be nauseated by the 3D-ness). I am not a big Super Junior fan but I wanted to see a K-pop concert and this was a cheap alternative.
I am reminded almost daily at what a loser, freak I am. The universe reminded me of this fact when the only other people in the theater were teenage girls with their mothers. And a friend I had to pay for to go with me. Even though I am not familiar with Super Junior I really liked their show. They seemed to genuinely enjoy their job and I can tell they worked hard to choreograph their dances. And I respect hard work and taking pleasure in one's work. There was this one song that I had never heard called, "똑똑똑 (Tok Tok Tok)". And was giggling non-stop during this song. And it was a case of the full-blown 'church giggles.' I actually like the song but the style was really unexpected. Super Junior has multiple sub-groups and the group that sang this song is called, "Super Junior T". The 'T' is short for 'Trot' -a type of traditional pop music.
Here is the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0BrOP12ops&feature=related
And I know this sounds uber gay. But when I was at the movie/concert I felt drawn to 'Leeteuk' (the one in a silver jacket with a red barrette...). I really like his voice (especially around the 2:59 mark. I find people who can yell-sing very impressive. -I think I am a relatively confident guy but I wish I could sing well. I really, really suck at singing and dancing. I can not even clap and sing at the same time. I get too overwhelmed.) Anyway, I don't know why I felt 'drawn to him' so I figured it was because God wanted me to pray for him. So I put him on my 'List of Five' that I've been praying for everyday for almost a month! (That is totally a praise to God because I can never do something that requires ANY self discipline!)
Since I knew nothing about this guy I started to do research. And it turns out he is on a variety show called 'Sacred Heart' I like to watch. And even though I don't understand what they say I've always liked his character. I don't know why I think this but I think he is mischievous and says things that others aren't expecting. Which naturally I embrace. He seems self aware and intentional. He speaks direct and confidently. He is the type that when he says stuff people listen. I wish I were more like that. But so much BS spews from my mouth nobody pays attention to the .3% of the time I have something significant to say.
[This sounds like a schizophrenic is writing it... Sorry]
But anyway, I wanted to share the video and I started talking about everything under the sun.
On a related note. There is a new girl at work from South Africa. And I usually try to make it a habit not to like people from Africa but she is white so she is an exception. I honestly don't think she likes me very much which sucks because we all spend a lot of time together. I know I annoy her with my 'humor'. She doesn't find me funny therefore I find her stupid. She also thinks I am racist. And in my defense I told her everybody was racist.
[Justification: I confess that I am prejudice but I know my inclinations are wrong. So I try not to act on them. And I say racist things because I know racism really is an issue with many people (especially where I am from) but I try to say racist things that are obviously BS. Just to assure you, if I ever had anything mean or rude or racist to say and I truly believed it, then I wouldn't say it.]
I actually think she is coming around to not disliking me but I am consciously trying not to joke with her specifically. (Girls can be so sensitive). But today she said, "Justin, can I tell you something and you not get mad?" I said yes and to that she replied, "Oh, never mind..." ...After assuring her that I didn't respect her opinion enough to give two shakes about what she thought. She confided in me that when she first met me she thought I was 'a gay.'
Big surprise there. Its not the first time I've heard that.
I do like that she said, 'a gay' (singular). I am going to have to start calling people that. (Unless they are actually gay, then it would be mean...)
Straight up I know that I am not the most masculine/butch person out there. But I don't give a shiz. I would rather people think/say I'm gay then for me care if people think/say I'm gay. I thought she would make that ASSumption because of my obsession with K-pop and Korean dramas or continually talking to anyone that will listen about Big Bang. Her evidence of my gayness was the fact that I giggled, talk with my hands, and am 'metro'. I really don't know metro means but to each their own. She also said because I dyed my hair auburn. (In my defense, when you have a Korean guy, who no hable English, cut and dye your hair, you don't always get what you expect.) She also said I was fashionable. That was a quick indication that she is unstable because today I was wearing a flannel shirt I found at Camp Peniel, a sweater I've worn since Middle School, and a belt buckle that my mom wore when my dad rodeoed. Not to mentioned I hadn't fix my auburn hair.
I used to get really upset when people said or asked if I was gay but now, "Aint nobody got time for that!'?" Maybe I should be more conscious of what people think of me... but that seems too consuming.
I spent so much of my life being hyper-sensitive about what others thought of me that once I finally found freedom from that I went in the polar opposite direction. I think that I need to find a happy medium. But I aint gonna stop listening to K-pop.
In .love.
Jp
