Zero for Five –Part 1

I fear the Lord is preparing me for a lifetime of singleness. Sometimes friends that sail in the same age and relationship-status boat, drone on about how they are destine to be single while simultaneously unsuccessfully casting nets for a qualifying partner. I soberly feel singleness might be the path the Lord has set out for me. And honestly, I am saddened, not at the loss of a potential spouse but rather, at the loss of children. Realistically I do not think I would be a capable husband. But I know I would be a devoted father.

When I see one of my school’s elementary kids that need their shoes tied, I gladly arch over and sloppily ties the best bow my finger can construct. When I find an opportunity to sincerely encourage or compliment (or playfully make fun of) one of my 9^th grade boys, my service to them makes me feel beneficial. It is as if I am building something the Lord has commissioned me to work on. And I long to encourage and teach kids that are mine. Kids I have the right to love. Conversely, I can’t imagine wanting to tie an adult woman’s shoes. And when I see women needing me to fill some sort of emotional prerequisite, I view them as weak. I don’t know how to explain my hypocrisy: I know I, an adult male, have needs, desires, and emotions that can and are inherently designed to be fulfilled by another. Yet when I see couples, their codependence is unattractive. I don’t want to need anyone or anything besides Christ. And I don’t want anyone that needs anything or anyone other than Christ.

That is not to sole reason I feel I will “forever be alone” but it is the highest hurdle I will have to ascend.

The second hurdle I will have to scale is that in my “mature” life I have like only five maidens with enough longing to want to ask them out. That means, in the past ten years I have liked (on average) one girl every two years. I am not counting my pubescent relationship with the one and only: Jamie Lee Laratta. The fact that I asked her out in the third-person disqualifies our year-long amour for a mature relationship.

One Tree Field

My first jaunt into the dating sphere was in 2005 at my favorite place in the world: Camp Peniel.
I was a 19 year old lifeguard, it was my first summer there and I fell for the work crew director that was five years my senior. Her name was Jill but was admirably referred to by most as, Jill the Thrill. She is one of the godliest women I have ever met. And her rejection of my advancement is just another testament to her commendable character.

We had worked together the entire summer and she in no way led me on but I was ready to start picking out baby names and flowers for the front yard. I had even asked her dad if I could ask her out. He warned me that she probably wasn’t interested in but to do what I needed to do. With my blinders firmly fixed to my eyes, I saw that as a green light. I was a bit over eager: I planed the entire date in detail. BLAHAHAHA: I just remembered I had made a time-table of topics we would discuss.
I mustered up my courage and asked her out. Her response, “I think we are just going to be friends.” It was as if she was speaking another language. I needed a translator. I repeated, “… but I’m asking you out on a date.”

To that she patiently reaffirmed we were just going to be friends. I remember be disappointed but not deflated. Nine years later, we are not friends but we are friends on the Facebook. So we’re good.

My first time at bat, I swung for the fences and regret nothing because JtT is still one of the most amazing women I’ve ever know. Whatever she is doing now, I’m sure she is a blessing to all around her.

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