What else can I do?

I’m now starting my sixteenth month here. I feel lucky to have been able to go home twice since I started here. My first visit home was for a friend’s wedding and though I was happy to be there going home at that time was s huge mistake. It was very rushed, exhausting and expensive. In a strange way I learned how to go home and that emotional sacrifices will be inevitable. My second trip to The State was better. Mostly because I had six full weeks back home. Towards the end of the six weeks I was bored, out of money and ready to come back. Not working was fun at first but then I just started to feel useless. And I spent an American amount of money on food. But I don’t regret that at all!

One day when my sister and I were in Fredericksburg helping my mom clean/prepare her classroom for the upcoming school year. Doing that reaffirmed that I do not want to come back and teach in the States right now. Also just seeing American kids out in public was a turn off. I liked teaching back home but after being here I don’t feel it is worth it. It is too hard. So much is invested with little return. Plus it always felt like an uphill battle. However, while I was back in Texas I felt like I was home. And I felt, ‘this is who I am and where I was made to be.’ So I started thinking about other careers I could pursue in Texas outside of teaching. The best I could come up with was Starbucks.
I even went by and talked with a Navy and Air Force recruiter.

In all honesty my main motivation for wanting to go back is to get married and start a family. I don’t foresee myself marrying a Korean but I do want Korean kids… So living in a country that is 98% Korean poses a problem in the spousal department. But I could easily sneak away a couple of cute Korean buttons in my pocket if adoption doesn’t work out. I don’t feel old, and I am not too concerned, but I’m 25 and feel like the next step is to ‘settle down.’ But whatever happens will happen.

All those professional and procreation pulls attracting me back home faded away on my first Monday back. I was on my way to my bus stop and saw all the awkward Korean students in their undersized school uniforms on their way to school. And an internal peace engulfed my heart. I want to have a family and I want to be back home (mostly so I can eat bbq and Mexican food) but I don’t want any of those enough to leave here just yet.