I Want to Remove His Veil

And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. (vs. 3)

My cousin encouraged me to meditate on 2 Corinthians 4 after reading my blog post ‘A Book.’ I have always admired this cousin and she and her husband are undeniable spiritual mentors and examples for my sister and I. My cousin was trying to comfort me in my emotional mêlée since my allowance for my initially intimate relationship with Byeontae to dissolve into disgust. It sincerely was unintentional. He claims to have really put an end to dating his underage girlfriend (an endeavor he reluctantly braved after receiving pressure from the school [teachers-principal-founder], his parents, and her parents… not his conscious. -A reputable step he was forced to take so his sincerity is questionable). If they truly are no longer together, I praise God. But when I see him, I do not see a guy I used to like or even a student. I see deviant predator. I don't like to see him around any of the Middle Schoolers. I do not know the depths of his perversion and he makes me nervous. And I exhaustively pray that I am wrong and that the Lord allow me to see Byeontae with the same loving and wanting eyes that he views him with.

Regretfully, I realize I ‘cut my losses’ in respects to Byeontae. It was the easiest and safest solution. I thought that I could begrudgingly tolerate him the five hours a week we have to share a room. I hate to throw a wrench into any false notion that teachers like all (or even most) of their students. I’ve taught students I was repulsed by, fearful of, driven insane by… but it is my job not to show my (non-encouraging) feelings. And honestly I am not that good at it. My friends used to make fun of me because they claim to be able to discern my true feelings by the expression on my face. I am self-conscious that Byeontae is receptive of my negative feelings towards him. And that is not fair.

This week we made an appointment to study for a challenging test worth 25% of his grade. Byeontae is smart but the test is specifically onerous. (And it is always a good idea to study with someone who has the answers…) He stood me up for our tutoring appointment. Admittedly I was relieved because I was unsure how spending such intimate time together would turn out given my current perception of him.

My cousin invalidated my feelings revealing how they were motivated by my sin. I was applying my expectations and those were out of his spiritual jurisdiction. She said that his sin was not a personal attack on me but a natural expression of his need for our Savior. She wrote:

“He doesn't have the power of the Holy Spirit living inside of him to guide him into all truth… what I DO know is that you have to pray like never before that OUR GOD will remove the veil from his eyes and transfer him from the darkness into the kingdom of His glorious light.  That is his only hope and ours.”

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The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. (vs. 4)

I am in no position to judge anyone. And though all will be held accountable to God’s judgment, Byeontae is not a believer and desperately needs the Holy Spirit to guide his life today. I’ve been praying that the Lord grant me forgiveness and if not, that he mend our impaired relationship. The motivation is no longer personal or social, rather professionally and spiritual. I mustered all the restraint I could and Friday after school I offered to meet with him at some time in the weekend to study with him if he wanted. He declined. His rejection might have been personally motivated or he might actually be busy. Either way, I feel like I did my best.
An immature and arrogant part of my sinful heart wants him to do poorly on his test to reiterate how much he needs me but that is trash. The more reflective part of me (though often weaker) wants to shine the light of the Gospel to this guy. And God has given me that light. I hope to illuminate Chris’s love and freedom to Byeontae and my other kids.   

For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ. (vs. 6)