Self-preservation

When I was at Hardin, my Social Studies family always joked that we should document all the inconceivable things that happened to us so we could turn it into a television show. I am not sure if the show would end up being a comedy or tragedy. For the most part, if the life of a teacher were turned into a television series it would be a dramatic-comedy. When I was in high school, I remember watching a show by David E. Kelly called ‘Boston Public’. Essentially it was a four season series that, at-times, accurately (yet dramatically) presents real issues teachers experience and struggle through.

My favorite character was the crotchety, offensive Jew: Harvey Lipchitz. Most David E. Kelly shows had a fundamental sex appeal and Harvey provided much needed eye-candy. I recently rewatched the series and it was an endearing, personal experience. I’ve been teaching for just five years yet I can directly and intimately relate to some of the stories presented in the show.
In one episode one of the newbie teachers wasn’t comfortable with wearing a tie and wanted to dress more casually. I never struggled with this but Harvey, the seasoned statesman, aggressively chastises him informing him that if he wants to be respected he needs to dress professionally. It is true. My slacks and tie are a form of armor that I wear to maintain a balance of power with my students. When I am wearing casual clothes, I feel more vulnerable and exposed.

I finished the final season a couple of weeks ago. One storyline harmoniously coincided with a personal experience I’ve being drudging through. As I’ve mention in previous postings, I’ve struggle in my relationship with and perception of one of my students (‘Byeontae’). In Boston Public, the Physics teacher (Miss Torres) identified with and becames emotionally entangled with one of her sophomore students. In the begging Miss Torres was drawn into the life of her student out of concern of the company the student was keeping and the choices she was making. My relationship with Byeontae was more platonic and (I believed) based on mutual respect and interest. As Boston Public’s fictional relationship progressed, Miss Torres realized how powerless she devotedly was; and despite her genuine concern for the interest of the student, it was no longer healthy to be as emotionally involved as she had become. I too hit that level of despair. In their final dialogue, Miss Torres confesses that she was wrong to have gotten as involved as she had (as I similarly feel now). She tried to justify her involvement but concluded the conversation confessing, 

“[The] sermons over. I’m going to let go of you now. And I wish I could say I was doing it for you but I’m not. I’m doing it because I have to. Self-preservation.”

Her tearful pardon was poignant. I too feel like I had to ‘let go’ of any relationship with Byeontae. I thought that I was helping a friend but it was tearing me up.